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It was all so close, the rays of the sun, the sweetness, a sense of time lost forever. She dreams of a street named Voltaire and a horse named Noun. Lewis Carroll bends her logic.

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Gauss and Galileo taunt her with the necessity of proof. A mental trick inspired by Melville helps her salve insomnia. Nothing is ever solved. Solving is an illusion. There are moments of spontaneous brightness, when the mind appears emancipated, but that is mere epiphany. No top, no bottom, no taking sides. See what I mean? Equal weight encompassing the whole of so called spiritual existence.

Just negotiating zones. No rules. No change. But then everything eventually changes. Cycles of death and resurrection, but not always in the way we imagine. Her voice, one of laconic suffering, produced shudders of admiration and shame. I pictured her sitting at the bar, a gardenia in her hair and a Chihuahua in her lap. I pictured her sleeping in a rumpled white skirt and blouse on a diesel-fueled tour bus, turned away from a white Southern hotel despite the fact that she was Billie Holiday, despite the fact that she was simply a human being.

Again and again her thoughts return to her dying friend — the poet and music maverick Sandy Pearlman — and with him, inevitably, to death itself, to the finitude of being with which we all must live:. We met in after my first poetry performance, Lenny accompanying me on electric guitar.

Sandy Pearlman was sitting cross-legged on the floor in St. I had read his Excerpts from the History of Los Angeles , one of the greatest pieces written about rock music.

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Then he went on to reference Cerberus, the dog of Hades, suggesting I should delve into its history. I thought him arrogant, though in an appealing way, but his suggestion that I should front a rock band seemed pretty far-fetched. He looked me in the eye and told me I could do anything. We were all young then, and that was the general idea. That we could do anything.

Sam [Shepard] negotiating the waning stages of his affliction.

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I felt a cosmic pull in multiple directions and wondered if some idiosyncratic force field was shielding yet another field, one with a small orchard at its crux, heavy with a fruit containing an unfathomable core. The harsh reality of it all takes on a surreal air. She watches anime clips on a loop as she slurps flying-fish-roe spaghetti in San Francisco, waiting for visiting hours at the hospital.

Instead, exhausted with travel and grief, she drifts into another existential dream:. The pencil seemed far away, well beyond my grasp, and I actually watched myself fall asleep. The clouds were pink and dropped from the sky. I was wearing sandals, kicking through mounds of red leaves surrounding a shrine on a small hill.

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There was a small cemetery with rows of monkey deities, some adorned with red capes and knitted caps. Massive crows were picking through the drying leaves. Yet, somehow, life tumbles on; somehow, we must make meaning. Across America one light after another seemed to burn out.

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  6. The oil lamps of another age flickered and died. The cat was rubbing against my knee. I opened a can of sardines, chopped up her share, then cut some onions, toasted two slices of oat bread and made myself a sandwich. Staring at my image on the mercurial surface of the toaster, I noticed I looked young and old simultaneously. I ate hastily, failing to clean up, actually craving some small sign of life, an army of ants dragging crumbs dislodged from the cracks of the kitchen tiles.

    I longed for buds sprouting, doves cooing, darkness lifting, spring returning. Marcus Aurelius asks us to note the passing of time with open eyes. Ten thousand years or ten thousand days, nothing can stop time, or change the fact that I would be turning seventy in the Year of the Monkey.

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    Merely a number but one indicating the passing of a significant percentage of the allotted sand in an egg timer, with oneself the darn egg. The grains pour and I find myself missing the dead more than usual. I notice that I cry more when watching television, triggered by romance, a retiring detective shot in the back while staring into the sea, a weary father lifting his infant from a crib. I notice that my own tears burn my eyes, that I am no longer a fast runner and that my sense of time seems to be accelerating… I try to be more aware of the passing hours, that I might see it happen, that cosmic shift from one digit to another.

    Despite all efforts February just slips away, though being a leap year there is one extra day to observe. I stare at the number 29 on the daily calendar, then reluctantly tear off the page. March first. By springtime, the strangeness is no longer the Lewis Carroll kind but an outright collective insanity:.

    A kind of madness swept the course of every action, magnifying every reaction. You will see everything from not so new faces to people being on stage for the first time. The website with probably the best free sex content over the net. He E scape New Faces is a two-element public art work consisting of two large cast aluminum heads, identical but one has a beard, which engage viewers of all ages. Nov 3, Explore beautycontest's board "Beauty Contest" on Pinterest.

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